Are you like me? When I find a song that I love, I will put that thing on repeat and play the heck out of it! *scratches head* Uhm, maybe that’s just me. Is that weird? Yeah, it’s probably weird. Oh well, moving right along. I will put my noise cancelling headphones on, click the little circle repeat icon in my Pandora app, and listen to the same song over and over. I might dance and sing along enjoying myself until suddenly I can’t stand it anymore. I’ve got to turn it off for a while and I find a new song to ruin, I mean play on repeat for a while. I always go back to the beloved song, but not for a while. This morning, I’m at the point where I can’t stand it anymore. The thing is, I can’t find a different song to listen to, because I’m not actually listening to music. I’m listening to my sister frantically repeat herself.
Nancy is my sister with special needs. I am her caregiver. She woke up this morning in one of those panicky moods. She just can’t stop bugging about gifts. I don’t know if she thinks that I’m going to forget or what? This is what I’ve heard on repeat for the last half hour. She barely has taken time for a breath in-between questions and I’m not exaggerating,
- “When are you going to buy the gifts?”
- “Where are you going to buy the gifts?”
- “You know what I want, right?”
- “Do I have enough money?”
- “How much money do I have?”
- “I have enough, right”
- “Are you buying it Online?”
- “Are we doing it like last year?”
- “When are we going shopping?”
- “Are you going to make a list?”
- “How do you spell…” (She’s decides to make the list herself.)
- “It’s okay we’ll do it on this day.” She marks her calendar.
- “Do I get to buy cards?”
- “Are we putting money in them?”
- “Did you get the mail, yet”
It’s maddening when she gets stuck on repeat and it happens more often than not. Truthfully, I know that I have more patience when kiddos do this because, well, they are kids. Their brains are still growing. Sooner or later their questions and one-track statements will stop, but this won’t happen with Nancy. So, I listened to her. I validated that I heard her. I let her know that I was listening, but it’s too early to be talking about buying Christmas gifts for people. I tried to distract her. “Today is the day I vote.” and “Those annoying commercials on the radio and t.v. will finally stop. Hooray!” Then, I tried to redirect her. Think about something else. “It’s supposed to rain today. Look, all the leaves are falling off the trees.” and “Oh, that little kitty is being such a brat, lately. Look what she did today.” The first couple times I did this.
Now, she has NOT stopped with the repetitive statements and questions, I have told her to “Quit Bugging.” I warned her that she would have to move down. After the umpteenth time of me saying “chill out, Chica” or “think your own thoughts,” She moved down. What does this mean?
I made a behavior chart and it hangs in the hallway. Throughout the day she moves up and down on the chart. She starts on good morning/green and moves up or down accordingly. The cards are color coded. She doesn’t remember what they say anyway, but she remembers the colors. Red is the best and she earns 5 tickets. Purple is the next in line and it’s worth 4 tickets. Then it’s blue and it is worth 3 tickets. Green/Good Morning is worth one ticket. Moving down from green, it’s “Oops!” No tickets are lost on Oops, but she is supposed to think about her choices. If she does better, then she moves up but if not, she moves down. After Oops comes Strike One and she loses one ticket. Moving down from there is Strike Two and she loses two tickets. Then comes Strike Three and she loses three tickets. Lastly comes Game Over and she loses five tickets. If she ends up having an excellent day, she gets a paper smiley face that she clips to the chart. It’s worth 20 tickets! If she is having an exceptional day/week she gets a paper smiley face with nerd glasses. This doubles her tickets on Friday! Friday is the day she gets to “buy” prizes or coupons out of the basket.
I discovered quickly that she needs routine. She craves structure, otherwise she tends to worry or act out. A predictable routine helps her feel like everything is less chaotic and scary. For instance, she gets up about the same time every day. First thing, she yells, “Hey Kelly!” Then she says, “Good morning.” I give her her morning pills and tell her to get something to eat. She marks her calendar. Then, she typically starts bugging, but usually a “chill out Chica” works in stopping her for a while. She knows that she’ll have to “move down on the wall” as she puts it and she doesn’t want to do that!
Our typical weekday routine
Good Morning
- She gets up at the same time, takes her pills, eats her breakfast. (She has a basket in the kitchen that she chooses from.)
- She marks her calendar.
- She asks all her questions and dreams up things for me to do. (These are most likely things I have already addressed or answered.)
- She either watches old sitcoms on meTV or listens to her headphones and sings until it’s lunch time. She’ll go get a snack from her drawer in the fridge. (I’ve tried doing fun crafts or games with her, but usually she just asks, “Can go back to my room now?”)
Good Afternoon
- We fix lunch. (I have a see-through shoe sorter hanging on the back of the basement door that she chooses lunch from. She gets her protein from the fridge.) She starts in again, asking or saying the same things all over again.
- If we have doctors’ appointments, this is usually the time we go.
- She watches TV or listens to her headphones and sings or takes a nap. She’ll go get a snack from her drawer in the fridge.
- It’s time for her afternoon pills.
Good Evening
- She asks me if it’s time for our sister, Karen. (She comes over for dinner.)
- We eat dinner and she starts in again, asking lots of questions and generally being bossy. She has forgotten that she’s not supposed to bug.
- After dinner we sometimes get her to come in and watch TV or a movie with us, but you’ve guessed it! She usually asks, “Can I go to my room, now?”
- Then it’s bedtime. I give her her pills and her shots. We look at the chart in the hallway to see what color she’s on. I give her the appropriate tickets. I tell her she can stay up for a little longer and listen to her music. I tell her that she can have a snack from her drawer.
- As soon as I go to bed, though, she tromps out to the kitchen and sneaks more food. I know she does this, but it’s not worth the struggles. She stays up pretty late, because she has her days and nights mixed up.
Since, moving down on the wall she has calmed way down. She is listening to her music and singing. Every once in a while, she asks if she’s doing better. Absolutely, without a doubt, she is. I have told her so, too. She’ll move back up soon. Now, she’s talking about the little kitty and “Who are you voting for?” and “Wow, it looks like it’s going to rain.” Soon, we’ll have lunch. I’m crossing my fingers that we don’t start all over again, but if we do; that’s what the chart is for. We’ll just repeat ourselves. Lol, get it? ?
Hey, let me know about your day. Do you have cool behavior modification tricks? Do you stick to a routine like Nancy and I do?